yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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