if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
