I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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