marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
