She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
