You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
