Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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