i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't turn off my feet"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
