so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
