she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
