8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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