Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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