god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
