People with herpes should wear stickers.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
