I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
