Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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