Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize