Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
