Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
