I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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