i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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