So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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