were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
