I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
