JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
