you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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