my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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