my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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