I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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