we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
