He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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