fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
