i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
