is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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