Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
