its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
