so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
