I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
BRING THE BAGELS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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