and she was petting her beer can
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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