"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
