I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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