NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just pee around me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
