Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
