How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
