So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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