I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
