I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
