Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize