My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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