It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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