i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My vagina just recognized that song.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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