you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i came on her dog
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.