Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
