guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.