Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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