There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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