why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
