Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.