I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
