Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
