The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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