"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
