Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
3pm strippers are depressing
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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