oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
