i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
