1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
