I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
