There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
